The Lost Art of Finger Wagging
Kevin Ryan, “O for the Days of Finger Wagging”
Finger wagging, both actual and metaphoric, is a necessary part of life in a society. We don’t come into the world ready for the give-and-take necessary for the smooth interchanges of social life. We are born selfish and need to be taught how to be considerate of the other, whether a sibling who wants to play with our ball or a blind man needing help across a street. It has always been the province of the adult to instruct the young in the rules of the social game. And when the young… and the not-so-young… violate the rules with rude and selfish behaviour, adults have known instinctively that it is their duty to step in and remind offenders of the rules. Until recently.
One of the more obvious signs of societal change is seen in the relationships between adults and children. A generation or two ago in this country, adults… any adults… felt free to correct a young person using foul language in public or to break up a fight between two youngsters. The wagging finger behaviour, however, is all but disappearing. It is perceived as the province of the school marm and the local busybody. On the other hand, the gently wagged finger is actually a sign of our concern for others and for maintaining civility. Finger wagging harkens back to a time when adults were not afraid of their children. This, of course, was before the average sixteen year old was 6’ 5″ tall, weighted 235 pounds and gobbled steroids instead of Life Savers.
Finger-wagging is a gentle reminder. It tells us that someone is watching. It says, “You can do better. What would your mother think of what you are doing? What does God?” It is even a mild appeal to that most discredited human emotion, shame. Contrary to much of pop psychology, shame is an important corrective device. When we violate social rules, shame is natural and helps us self-correct. The wagging finger helps us to see what we have been doing and to get ourselves back on track.
I confess to a struggle with finger wagging - I cannot stand by and do nothing, but I have very few good examples of social correction in action (outside of direct parenting).
Do you have experience with finger wagging? How’d that work out for you?
Comment by blestou
Funny that I should have a finger wagging opportunity last night at a baseball game. A group of teen girls were leaving the stadium with the rest of the crowds - but were shouting obscenities at one another as they did so.
I called out, in my authoritative fatherly voice, “Hey, watch your language!”
I heard one of them say to another, “He doesn’t even know you…” But they lowered their heads in shame and stopped their publicly disgraceful behavior.
I hope I was not a complete spoil-sport on their whole evening (I am sure I was not), but it was nice to have an experience of being salt in a world that needs more salt and light (Matthew 5:13-16).
Posted on May 9, 2007 at 12:30 pm
Comment by jcyrus
I ‘wag’ my finger mostly at home. I think political correctness and moral relativism has clouded our better judgement.
However, now that you have planted the seed in my mind, I will be more conscience to ‘wag’ when the opportunity presents itself.
Posted on May 10, 2007 at 5:43 am